Same goes for someone who’s not over their divorce and has beliefs that affect their ability to be committed.I personally know people who have gotten together while one party was separated, and in one case the wife refused to sign so they had to wait for it to lapse and got married as soon as it did a few years later, and in the other instances where it worked out, there was no faffing about with the divorce, Future Faking etc.You had too much going on during your divorce to possibly consider dating. This same script, I’m reminded, played out in the life of one of my favorite clients who fell in love with a separated man.Therefore, you seem to think all men should feel the same way. But you are correct in proceeding with a sense of caution. Not because he listed himself as divorced but is really separated. He gave a lot to her during their time together, but, when it got right down to it, he really needed to sow his oats for awhile.What we forget is that even if a person hasn’t just exited a relationship, aside from knowing our own boundaries (which can rule out certain things that we’ve already made a decision on in advance of), we cannot get all of the answers upfront or have someone tell us what ‘the ending’ will be.Each situation is different but what you can say with a high degree of certainty is that someone who’s just fallen out of their marriage, who’s still in reconciliation negotiations, who’s still very influenced by their spouse, and who has been separated for a long time ‘just because’, is going to bring pain into your life.
It would be handy if we could avoid the vulnerability that comes with doing the due diligence and taking appropriate action where needed.Steer clear of the hottie in the black dress with the angry eyes and enhanced frown.She’s packing heat of a variety we’re much too familiar with from our 11 years of marriage, six of them happy.When a few too many red flags come up early in a relationship, it’s OK, at this stage in our lives to just say, “Later.And good luck.”When you are still reeling from the collapse of your marriage, you might be ready for some free love, but the completion of the work needed to actually enjoy it is still a few months or years down the road.